Monday, March 24, 2008

Three Years Ago Today...

My girls were born. Seems just like yesterday.

The first week of March, 2005 I officially started my maternity leave, on the request of my doctor; and for the fact that I gained a good 65 pounds, could barely walk a flight of steps and I could barely fit my belly behind the wheel of my car. Yes, I was ready to take a little break before the babies arrived. I had a relatively easy morning sickness what-so-ever. It was beautiful. But on March 24, 2005 I started getting a sharp pain in my stomach, kind of like when you get the wind knocked out of you. Just a dull ache right above my belly button. I chalked it up to, well, pregnancy. I thought maybe one of the girls were in a weird position or something. What did I know...this was my first pregnancy! Well, the next morning the pain was still there and was getting worse. I called my doctor first thing and my husband took me to see him. I talked to him for a few minutes and he told me to head straight to the emergency room and he'd meet me there. Ok, I started freaking because I was only 32 weeks along. Twins are usually born around 36 weeks. As we got to the hospital and I was strapped up to a bunch of machines, I was told that my liver was swelling and the only way to relieve it was to have the babies. I so wasn't ready yet. The BABIES weren't ready yet. But I had no choice. The hospital where I live was not equipped to handle preemie twins so I was rushed to The Cleveland Clinic by ambulance about an hour away. What a joy ride that was. I got to the hospital and they put me on some friggin' drug that put me in a fog and made my face itch like crazy. I hated it. Especially because my husband went and picked up my mom so she could be with me. So I was there by myself, on drugs, scared to death. But they finally made it and I felt so much better with them both there.

After a very long day, at 7:40 p.m., my sweet Ashley came along, and at 7:42 p.m., my sweet Emily made her grand entrance into the world. They remained in NICU for a month, but did very well. My husband and I drove to the hospital just about every night after he got off of work. We put quite the miles on my new "mommy van". We brought them home a month later. After everything I went through, it was so worth it. Those girls are everything to me.

I came across this poem and boy does it hit home. I couldn't find the author's name, but in honor of my girls turning 3, and my 3rd year being a mom, I wanted to share it.

Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a Mom
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late
I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom,
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been pooped on,
Spit up on,
Chewed on,
Peed on,
Or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom,
I had complete control of myself;
My thoughts,
My body,
And my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't
want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew something so small could affect my
life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of having my
heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a
Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of
the night every ten minutes to make
sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderfulment,
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so
much before I was a Mom.

**Happy Birthday girls...mommy loves you.**


Greta said...

happy birthday to those sweet baby girls...they grow up toooooo fast...mine just turned 4 and i am wondering where the time went {sniff sniff}

Anonymous said...

that story is beautiful... all the trouble we go through just to have the most precious thing we could ever have... I am so glad your girls made it they are beautiful and happy birthday to them...

Bluemeli said...

Happy birthday to your cute twin girls! When I read your post I couldn't stop me to cry a little bit, it touched my heart...
I have twin girls to, they are now 13 month old, I'm still so lucky and thankful that I have them, I love them so much. Before their birth I was laying about 9 weeks in hospital to stop them to come to early. But it was worth this time... In the 36 week they came in a natural birth within 3 hours.