Wednesday, July 2, 2008

It Could Only Happen To Me


Man, I couldn't make this stuff up. As anyone who knows me would tell you, if anything embarrassing and humiliating is going to happen, and I'm within a 10 mile radius, it's going to happen to me. I'm lucky that way I guess. So today, I'm sitting at my desk at work, smartly dressed in gray slacks, a navy top, black trouser socks and black loafer shoes. Keep this in mind, it will come in to play later. I guess I should also mention that yesterday I started my...ahem...woman days...or, I got a visit from my Aunt Flo...or I fell off the roof (my favorite). Choose whichever expression you fancy...you get my point. So, mid-morning my breakfast of a 12 oz. Dr. Pepper kicks in and I head to the bathroom. To my complete horror I notice that "things" were not "positioned" correctly and a stain has now formed on my smart gray slacks. (I'm trying to describe the happenings as less "icky" as I possibly can, for your sake. Your welcome.) What are the odds that it was in a non-conspicuous place?! This is ME we're taking about here. I was mortified. I try and get myself together as best I can. I wash my hands and I try to check out my ass in the mirror. As luck would have it, the mirror is way above the sink and I can only see from my waist up. So I decide that maybe if I jump up and down all the while looking backwards, I would be able to see how bad the stain really is. I did catch a quick glimpse of said stain and so did the guys who were working on the road right outside the bathroom window, unbeknownst to me. I was puttin' on quite the show. So I go back to my desk and immediately sit down so no one would see. I get the grand idea that lunchtime is soon, so I'll tie my sweater around my waist to cover up the stain, I'll run to the store and buy some cheap pants to get me through the day. OH, that sweater that I put around my waist? Yeah, it's white. Naturally. So I practically jog to my car with this sweater around my waist, looking like a complete tool. Then I remember that the only store in this shit-hole town I work in is Dollar General. Now, it wouldn't have been so too awful if I had worn my cute little sandals and I could have bought some summery capri pants to wear. NOOO, I am wearing black trouser socks and black loafers and the only "pants" they had at this fine clothing establishment is black polyester grandma pants. I had no choice, I had to buy the polyester pants, which, by the way, I had to buy a size too big because they didn't have my size. Naturally. Quite the fashionata, I am. It's just so fitting. I'm having a really hard time with the whole turning 40 thing next week...and now I'm wearing grandma pants. Very roomy tho. So there you have it. I just felt the need to share with the masses my banner of a day. I don't mind. I have no shame.

Now I'm off to drink me a nice tall glass of Iced Metamucil and gum some prunes.

10 comments:

Anne said...

I know your day wasn't funny, but I couldn't help but laugh! We've all had experiences like this. In high school, a group of girls followed (very closely!!!!) another girl who had the unfortunate luck to wear a white skirt and had a bad leak. The idiot teachers told her it was too close to the end of the school day to let her go home! Can you believe that? So other girls surrounded her, held her skirt folded in the back so no one could see the stain and protected her for the last 2 hours of school!! Now that's friendship...

Vicki (Chickivaney) said...

Bless your heart! You did have me laughing tho! Hope tomorrow's better!

Wendy said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Bless your heart! (((hugs)))

lovetocraftbetty said...

Oh, how to add more stress to one's day! Hope the rest of your week is better.

ccynden said...

YIKES - I am so glad I had just finished drinking my coffee as my brand new computer would be short circuiting by now. Unbelievable what happened to you and totally hysterical in your rendition. I do believe most women can relate and if we had the chance to get together, we would all be trying to out-do one another with our tales. I am wiping the tears as I picture you. God bless you.

Michelle said...

LMAO!!! You are a gem for sharing. Not much makes me laugh these days as DH's departure for training and Iraq draw near.. THANKS for the laugh.. Sorry you had a bad day though.. I know from experience that sometimes Aunt flow runs like the Mississippi 30 feet above flood stage.. Smiles to you,
Michelle

delicatedesignsbyshelly said...

I'm sorry you had a bad day...but I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I was actually crying. My DH says to me "What's so funny? I haven't seen you laugh like that in years!"

I can totally relate. I was in highschool when my "incident" happened. There was a really cute guy in my biology class and I kept bending over trying to catch his attention... I caught his attention in the worst way... the next period (no pun intended) was gym and thats when I discovered my horrible nightmare..... It's funny today, but man I was mortified. Ever since then I always wore black jeans when Aunt flo came to visit... so all my gf's new when she was here.

Becky said...

OMGoodness! The situation itself wasn't funny, but your description of it was just too hilarious! Happy Belated Birthday!

Linda Walton aka bobbysgirlforever said...

Dawn, you are a HOOT girl and a FUN read!!!

It's called REAL LIFE baby!!! I just LOVE those that can be REAL with the rest of us who've been there done that a time or two!!!

Thanks for the chuckle!

Hugs,
Linda :)

P.S. I'm thinking that ALL of us ladies are somehow related as MOST all of us have an Aunt Flo too!!! He, he .... though I think I shall be losing my dear Aunt sometime this year!!! LMAO!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA....I know it`s not funny, but I do want to let you know, you`re not the only one in that boat, I have mishaps like that ALL the time!!!! And I`ve had to make that "special" trip to the store for clothes. I hope your week gets better....